I think my vagina is haunted
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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