I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize