you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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