I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
