i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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