I faked an abortion last night.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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