4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize