enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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