i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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