if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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