oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
