I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
