You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
