Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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