Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
