he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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