I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
