i barfeds in our rink
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
