She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
