I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I want her autograph on my taint
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
