Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
