yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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