one might say we're banned from that church
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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