now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
