So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
