I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
