what if every blade of grass was a penis?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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