I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
