I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize