so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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