i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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