Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
