If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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