she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize