I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
