Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
