I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
