you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize