the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
