Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
