i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
