i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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