once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
