Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
