I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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