The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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