after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want her autograph on my taint
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
