anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
