I love black thongs
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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