Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
