its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
