that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
