kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
