Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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