He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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