my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
