I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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