So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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