just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
