you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
