nut hugger
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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