I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
