dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
