there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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