The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
