He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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