Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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