Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
