OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
