ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
